Cliche Queen

I can’t believe it’s been 2 years since my last update here! Well, I lie. Yes I can. Since my last post my life is a completely different creature. I’ve relocated from my lifelong home in NYC to Los Angeles, California and I guess I have an itchy mouthful of late night things to say as I bask in the stillness of *that* monumental achievement.

When you go through huge, sweeping life changes – all kinds of cliches come flying at you. Some are from your friends and acquaintances, some are from the Internet, some are from TV and the movies, some are ingrained into your own brain from childhood. Then you realize that some of these cliches exist because they are rooted in some amount of truth. I’ll admit it, I’ve  even been guilty of throwing a cliche or two at my own dear friends during their times of woe. But unlike all of the stupid memes out there that try to artfully slap a fortune cookie phrase on top of some Willie Wonka photo – I am here to tell you that they aren’t some kind of be-all-end-all finite wit and wisdom. They’re part of a subjective universal narrative. They aren’t distilled directly from Yoda’s ass  and they certainly are NOT a solution to all of life’s complex and individual problems. They try to package a truth into a punchy sentence and make it a done deal with a cherry on top. It could make a cute tattoo perhaps (and yes I have tattooed some of them). But as far as life advice goes,  I call shenanigans.

What goes around comes around.
This too shall pass.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.
That’s how the cookie crumbles.
Love does not a relationship make.
If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.
Only time will tell.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
All that glitters is not gold.
Tis better to have loved and lost then never loved at all.
Time heals all wounds.
When you have lemons make lemonade.

If I had a freakin’ nickel for every time I’ve been served some of this bumper sticker wisdom, I’d be spinning ALL of the Johnny Cash songs on ALL of the jukeboxes and crying into my gallons of spiked lemonade. More pop culture reference might lead me to a country song lyric I mighta heard on a major network TV show that went something like “sometimes good intentions don’t come across so well”. You know when your life is entering country song lyric status things are getting interesting. Or at least interesting enough  to warrant a free shot of Jim Beam and another nickel for the jukebox. Wait, what My Tunes deprived decade do I think it is anyway?

In the end, if you’re any real friend of mine you’d tell me to snap out of it or go fuck myself and afterwards we’d have drinks and a laugh and look forward to having a hungover breakfast together because (insert yet another dang cliche) “tomorrow is another day”.

I can accept and appreciate when these trite idioms come to me from those I hold dear because they’re the ones that can back it up with the real deal in your face stuff no one else gives a crap enough to tell you.  Also known as (another cliche coming…) – when the cats out of the bag, are you hiding under the table after stepping on that land mine  (aka ME) — or are you just smiling behind a little Aesops mechanism because you’re trying to be a TRUE FRIEND who wants to make that awkward moment a bit silly so we can both lighten the fuck up about serving a little truth to each other? That’s the kind of friendship I’m talking about. It’s not for everyone but that’s OK. I’ve come to learn this kind of moment is always a blessing because it weeds out the riff raff. I’m now very comfortable with this involuntary auto-selection process.

Bring it. And another round while you’re at it.

I’ll take Aesop and his fables and all the cats jumping out of their bags and (to insert more cliche love) ALLLL of the rainbow colored shit hitting the fan so I can see all of those glorious true colors flying about! When life ceases to be a party and things get REAL, you see who your true friends are. The people who can’t be bothered with standing by your side when life gets painful and uncomfortable are the proverbial DEAD WEIGHT that nature is helping you shed. It all happens by design you see, because nature wastes nuthin’. Not rain, not wind, not time, not energy, not NUTHIN! By sending in a shit storm or two, everything gets shaken up. Only those who have solid and true roots to your strongest foundation will be left standing. Opportunists, narcissists, fluffy party people and fakes will fall by the way side. Your playing field will be different, lighter, healthier and clearer. You might want to scream and cry and feel betrayed at first, but thank your lucky freakin’ stars because you were just sent a big ass favor from Mama Universe. Thank you MAMA! Tip: I find if you thank her regularly for these blessings she’ll keep up with giving them to you too.

Not for the faint of heart, but alas – will you be a warrior in this life and fight for wanting better for yourself? Or will you passively allow life to happen to you and blame everyone else instead of taking responsibility to shape the life you want to live?

NEXT (and almost final) CLICHE – life is too short. This is truth. This is simple. This is a MANTRA of mine. It reduces everything to its purest terms.

What is it in your life that no longer serves you or keeps you from achieving your greatest good? The largest hailstone in all of humanity might fall from the sky and strike you dead tomorrow – can you live with that? Are you doing everything you can to live life to its fullest? Are you honoring those (good) voices in your head or are you suppressing and denying them because it’s easier to not stir the pot of Cliche Con Carne? Will you chose to not go forward with regrets, whether regret of doing OR not doing something? Will you chose to not go forward with negativity in your heart…? Will you learn forgiveness and compassion? All of these things might sound overly idealistic and trite – but this is the stuff we only seem to be able to apply in the context of others and the world outside of us. Which makes sense because that’s so much easier to digest. Not to get all Buddhist on your ass but realize that in trying to achieve these things towards others, we approach those challenges within ourselves. And that’s the true root of all evil, isn’t it kittens? (Insert the biggest cliche of all…) WE ARE OUR OWN WORST ENEMIES.

Perhaps this is coming out because I’m a little fed up with ALLLL the overwhelming life lessons constantly being thrown at me. Since childhood really, it’s been non-stop. I suppose it keeps me on my toes. But geez… Being human these days is friggin’ exhausting. Can we go live in straw huts with hammocks in Fiji yet? I know I’d be an excellent spear-fisher.

At the end of the day, perhaps it’s mostly coming out because I’m a potty mouthed NYC girl who recently moved to LA after going through some heavy shit and just finished binge-watching  Season 5 of Mob Wives on Hulu.

Big Ang forever!